


i'm not lying!

by berettas



Category: Naruto
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, One Shot, Parent Orochimaru (Naruto)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24853840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berettas/pseuds/berettas
Summary: Kakashi rolled his eyes, or at least Sasuke thought he did. It was kind of hard to tell when he could only see one.“I’m visiting my mother.”
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Orochimaru
Comments: 19
Kudos: 339





	i'm not lying!

**Author's Note:**

> basically sasuke stressing himself out for 1,317 words straight

Sasuke woke to the sound of rustling coming from the kitchen. It was strange, this was a new hideout that nobody besides he, Kabuto, and Orochimaru was staying at. Neither Orochimaru or Kabuto were the type to make unnecessary noise, as both were naturally silent individuals. Either one of them was intentionally trying to rouse him, or someone had broken in. Though the latter was very unlikely, as they wouldn’t have made it within ten feet of the hideout before being killed, Sasuke grabbed his sword as he rose anyway.

He walked on quiet feet towards where the sound had been coming from, trying to sense whoever it was by their chakra. They had their chakra in heavy wraps though, so much so that Sasuke couldn’t even find it, so he soon gave up.

He peaked around the doorway to the kitchen, catching the refrigerator light illuminating the dim room. There was someone digging things out of plastic bags and packing them into the fridge, and--  _ were those groceries?  _ Sasuke had long since gotten used to eating rations or crackers for his meals, aside from the rare occasions where Orochimaru made dinner (even  _ more  _ rare that Sasuke would actually trust Orochimaru enough to eat it). He had certainly never seen a  _ full  _ fridge or cabinet in any of the hideouts he had stayed in during his year with Orochimaru. 

The person moved again, crumpling up the now empty bags and stuffing them into a drawer under the sink. Sasuke made his move while their back was turned.

He ran forward in an attempt to incapacitate the stranger, being completely confident now that this person was  _ not  _ Kabuto or Orochimaru. Before he’d gotten his arm around the man’s throat, he’d whipped around and twisted Sasuke’s outstretched arm behind his back, yanking him down and jabbing a knee into his right shoulder, causing him to drop his sword.

Sasuke was about to summon up a chidori when the man hummed in consideration behind him. The grip around Sasuke’s wrist and neck was released, and as soon as he was free he whipped around to face the intruder. Finally able to see the man, and  _ recognize  _ him, Sasuke’s eyes widened a little.

“Kakashi?”

_ Why was Kakashi in his kitchen. _

The man in question eye-smiled. “Long time no see, Sasuke.”

Sasuke recoiled at Kakashi’s welcoming tone. As if Sasuke hadn’t defected from the village, hadn’t abandoned his team to train under one of the most dangerous missing-nin of all time. His kindness was almost offensive. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Sasuke spit out, recovering from his initial shock enough to grab his sword and raise it in defense, lightning flickering off of it. 

Kakashi tilted his head in amusement. “Why, that’s no way to greet your old sensei.”

Sasuke grumbled under his breath and glared at Kakashi. “Answer me,” he demanded.

Kakashi rolled his eyes, or at least Sasuke thought he did. It was kind of hard to tell when he could only see one. 

“I’m visiting my mother.”

_ What.  _ “What.”

“Mm. This hideout is his closest one to Konoha,” Kakashi smiled earnestly and turned to grab something out of the newly-stocked fridge. “I haven’t seen him in a while, so I decided to stop by and pay a visit.”

“Stop fucking with me, Kakashi.”  _ Who?  _ Who would be his  _ mother?  _ And how had he gotten past Orochimaru and Kabuto, anyway? Sasuke was nearly tipping over with questions and confusion.

“You’ve got quite the mouth on you, Sasuke.” Kakashi pulled away from the fridge, holding a carton of some kind of juice and shaking his head dramatically in mock-disappointment.

“If you don’t tell me why you’re here, I’ll kill you.”

“Mmhmm,” Kakashi hummed, moving around the kitchen as if he was familiar with it and grabbing a glass from a cabinet. “Do you want orange juice?”

Sasuke stayed silent, glaring at Kakashi and shifting his sword in his grip. Orochimaru and Kabuto  _ had  _ to know he was here, so was this a test?

“I’ll take that as a no.” He closed the cabinet and went to pour himself a glass of juice. “Did you hear about your teammates? Naruto went off on a training trip with Jiraiya and Sakura has taken up the role as Lady Tsunade’s  _ apprentice,”  _ Kakashi said proudly, side-eyeing Sasuke. “All of my students, training under the Legendary Sannin. They grow up so fast.” He wiped a fake tear away from his eye.

Sasuke was considering just stabbing him right there, but Orochimaru  _ had  _ mentioned working on his interrogation skills, so this was most likely a test.

“Kakashi.  _ Why are you here.” _

“I could’ve sworn I told you not five minutes ago.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

Sasuke kept staring at him with a look that screamed “I know you’re bullshitting me”. Kakashi was convinced he’d be battling it out with the kid until he simply atrophied, but luckily someone walked in, interrupting their one-way staring contest.

“Ah, I see you’ve found Kakashi,” Kabuto said in agitation from behind Kakashi. 

“Kabuto.” Kakashi eye-smiled at the younger man.

Sasuke eyed them both with utter confusion and frustration, and though Kakashi was perfectly content with watching his student work through his thoughts for hours on end, Kabuto decidedly was  _ not. _

“He was your sensei back in Konoha, if I’m correct?” Kabuto pushed his glasses up on his nose, huffing lightly.

Sasuke nodded, a little unsteadily, obviously caught off guard by Kakashi and Kabuto’s familiarity. 

“Well, he’s also Orochimaru’s son.”

Kakashi muttered under his breath as Sasuke’s expressions grew more irritated. “Stop. This isn’t a good test. Tell Orochimaru to  _ stop. _ ”

Kabuto sighed in exasperation and turned to the fridge. Kakashi picked up his glass of orange juice and whipped out his (equally orange) book and sat down at the kitchen table. Sasuke kept standing there, sword lowered and anger clear on his face. Kakashi eyed him over the top of his book.

“This is a lot more than we needed,” Kabuto commented at the contents of the fridge, closing its door behind him.

“Everyone’s a critic.”

“Would someone tell me what the  _ fuck  _ is going on?!” Sasuke nearly yelled, brandishing his sword with his frustration.

“Be careful, Sasuke, you might fail the test if you keep this up,” Kabuto remarked teasingly with a smirk, poking the tiny and angry bear that was Sasuke Uchiha. Kakashi snorted a little, watching Sasuke for his reaction. 

“I don’t  _ give a shit  _ if it’s a test! Why is Kakashi here?!” He exploded, pointing in Kakashi’s direction with his sword.

“Kakashi, darling?” A voice called from down the hall. Kakashi stood up, setting his book down and moving closer to the sound of Orochimaru’s voice. The dark-haired man turned around the corner of the kitchen doorway suddenly, looking at Sasuke in amusement briefly before turning his attention back to Kakashi. 

“You have O-blood, right?” 

“Yeah, do you need it for something?”

Kabuto rifled through a box of granola bars next to them, possibly making as much sound as intentionally possible. Orochimaru nodded and smiled softly at Kakashi.

“Yes, I’m testing something new and I want it to only affect B-blood types. Do you mind if I take a sample of yours to make sure it doesn’t do anything to it? I’ve already tested AB and A.”

“Of course,” Kakashi turned back to the kitchen table to pocket his book before leaving with Orochimaru.

“Believe it yet, Sasuke?” Kabuto smirked, breaking off a piece of his granola bar and watching the distraught teenager keenly. 

“Does this mean-”

“Yes,” Kabuto chuckled. “You’ll be seeing quite a bit more of your old sensei for at least another week.” 

Sasuke’s groan of displeasure was almost palpable as he sank to the ground, burying his face in his arms. Of course his  _ freak  _ of a sensei would be related to his freak of a mentor. Just his luck. 

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this so mf fast bruh. ty for reading <3


End file.
